|
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men |  | Author: Robert Weiss
Publisher: Alyson Books
Category: Book
List Price: $15.95
Buy New: $9.59
as of 3/12/2010 22:29 CST details
You Save: $6.36 (40%)
Seller: emerald_market
Rating:  reviews
Media: Paperback
Pages: 224
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.7
ISBN: 1555838219
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.7662
EAN: 9781555838218
ASIN: 1555838219
Publication Date: July 1, 2005
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
| |
| Features:
| |
| Editorial Reviews:
Product Description
Robert Weiss, director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Santa Monica, California, avoids political and moral arguments and instead focuses on the clinical approach, asking the question, “Is your sexual behavior causing problems in other areas of your life?” Cruise Control leads men to a better understanding of the difference between sexual compulsion and non-addictive sexual behavior within the gay experience, and it explains what resources are available for recovery. A timely and important contribution to the body of recovery literature, Cruise Control provides understanding, empathy and encouragement to gay men seeking healthy sexual expression.
|
| Customer Reviews:
 Great book for anyone Regardless of Sexuality! March 5, 2010
Ced V. (San Francisco, CA USA)
Robert Weiss provides thorough insight and depth of what sex and love addiction is really about and the steps necessary to overcome it. If you want to do something about your sexual/love addiction and you want results, this is the book to get. Unlike other references which seem like reading a textbook, this book is written in a first-person narrative and it is very personal. This book is so good, that I finished reading it in a day!
 Minimizes the role that undiagnosed brain conditions play August 4, 2009
Gina Pera (San Francisco Bay Area, United States)
5 out of 7 found this review helpful
Okay, well, first please allow me to explain why I, a woman married to a man, am even interested in this book, much less tossing in my two cents worth here. I do it because it could possibly help someone answer some questions about why they do the things they do. (Because I am wholly unqualified to "review" this book per se, I gave it four stars, which seems to be the average.)
For almost ten years, I've volunteered to lead discussion groups in the ADHD community -- for parents of children with ADHD as well as adults with ADHD and their partners. I've met thousands of people with ADHD and am fully aware that it crosses nationalities, socioeconomic backgrounds, genders, and yes, gender orientation.
So, why is it that I've encountered so few gay men in these groups? In the online group that I moderate for partners of adults with ADHD (some 500 members at last count, and international in scope), about 75 percent of the members are women with male partners who have ADHD, 15 percent are men with female partners who have ADHD, and 10 percent are women in same-sex relationships. In seven years, there have been two gay male members. (By the way, I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area, where being gay is regarded as nothing out of the ordinary, so that's not the issue, I'm pretty sure.) Partly, I think, women, in general, are more drawn to discussion/support groups than men are, in general. Hence the lower number of men in the group, period. That said, I also moderate a local face-to-face group, which is almost entirely men.
At the same time, I have enough close gay male friends to know that sometimes it's a matter of feeling a world apart from "het" norms when it comes to sexual mores -- not wanting to be confined, defined, or judged by them. Fair enough. I've never exactly been conventional myself.
Logically, though, there's no reason that ADHD should manifest any less in gay men than it does in straight men. The best estimates indicate that about 4% (extremely conservative) to 16% (more realistic) of the adult population in the U.S. has ADHD. Yet, I wonder if therapists and psychiatrists who specialize in gay male clientele are aware of this. From conversations with my friends, I wonder if there's a sort of "gay cultural overlay" that obscures recognition of ADHD, especially when the same patterns that challenge straight men with ADHD appear in gay men. So, I check in with books such as this to see if ADHD is even covered.
Why? What's the connection between ADHD and compulsive or out-of-control sexual behavior? At its core, ADHD is a disorder of dysregulation, of self-control. With key deficits in impulsivity, hyperactivity (which manifests more covertly than commonly thought), and inattention, ADHD affects one's ability to "put on the brakes." It also impairs motivation, initiation, and learning from mistakes. In short, it is not kid's stuff.
For example, teens with untreated ADHD are, as a population, more sexually precocious than their peers, have more sexual partners and more STDS, and are more likely to have unwanted pregnancies. They are also more likely to develop substance abuse disorders. When you talk about "self-medicating" - which is common with untreated ADHD -- you're talking about everything from sex to alcohol to food to driving recklessly. The more stimulation, the more calm in the brain that seems to be tuning into too many stations at once.
ADHD is considered THE most highly impairing outpatient condition, moreso than depression or anxiety. Yet, it is also considered highly treatable. Trouble is, only a minimum of one in ten of the adults thought to have it have been diagnosed. And only a fraction of those pursue treatment. Still fewer are receiving good treatment, following clinical protocols. That's why I was alarmed when I read this passage in Cruise Control: "Myth #6: Sex Addiction is a Sign of Some Other Mental Illness"
Who says that is a myth? Where is this author's research? The author gives only one paragraph, with very short shrift, to the role that both bi-polar disorder and ADHD can play in sexual addiction -- and then further minimizes ADHD by saying: "When their emotional state is stabilized with proper therapy and medication, their hypersexual behaviors usually disappear."
The problem: Most people are misinformed about what ADHD is -- and isn't. Particularly, most have no idea that is it associated with so-called paraphilias. Moreover, it's not as easily treated as the author suggests, especially when decades of living without benefit of diagnosis has resulted in a ton of poor coping skills, possibly including "self-medicating" with sex and bugging out of a relationship the minute that the novelty has faded.
To be clear: ADHD is a syndrome, and it includes a wide range of behaviors. It is not a "one size fits all" condition. Some men with ADHD find the "reality" of sex much more boring than the "thinking about it" -- and tend to be almost assexual, especially if in a long-term relationship. But it must be said that ADHD can definitely create problems in maintaining stable relationships instead of being drawn to the "next shiny object" and stimulating source of sexual stimulation. I hope that's clear, and sorry I'm going on so long. But I think it's important.
Granted, I am NOT an expert in sexual addiction, and there are many issues in this book that are out of my ken. I would not presume otherwise. But I am enough of an expert on ADHD to know that this paragraph (from the next page) shows a profound lack of understanding about how much this closely describes how ADHD manifests in problematic sexual behavior:
"A sex addict's patterns of sexual behavior are characterized by lack of control. While a nonaddicted individual can quickly see how his behavior causes problems or has the potential to do so, the sex addict continues despite the risks. He has likely experienced trouble in his life as a consequence of his sexual activities, and he is just as likely to have downplayed his troubles, even if they have brought him or others physical or emotional harm.
"He appears unable or unwilling to place boundaries around sex even when those limits would keep him and/or others safe from the possibility of physical or legal jeopardy. The amount of sex he has, the physical intensity of the sex act, and the time he spends having sex or in the search for sex often exceed what he intended, though he will often vigorously defend his activities. Unlikely healthy people who self-correct if realize (sic) they have chosen a sexually inappropriate or sexually excessive behavior, the sex addict will often return to that same behavior or worse."
My point is: If you try the strategies in this book and they don't work for you -- or work only for a while -- and if you think you might possibly have ADHD, it's well worth getting it checked out by a competent clinician. Not always easy to find, mind you, so get educated first before you even begin to look for one.
Well, I hope this is useful to someone.
A good guide to understand what is happening with you...or your partner! May 7, 2009
Jordi ROMERO DIAZ (Barcelona, Spain)
This is probably the most sincere, scientific, experimental and holistic guide to all those affected by the Sex Addiction and Love addiction.
It begins with a test to decide if you are "in" this circle or "out", it describes the problem with solid examples and it explains the reason to fall into this addiction without falling in mannierisms nor moralisms... It really helps you to understand your reactions and has some sort of practical agenda to write your experiencies and set your goals for recovery.
To sum up, after "out of the Shadows", which I had the opportunity to read at a friend' s house in Paris, and in which it is inspired, "Cruise Control" is THE BOOK gay men expected to have in their area, and so their partners or family affected by their behaviour.
Probably, the most worked out issue is to separate the weak boundarie often mixed up between the gay feedom for sex and the obsesion for having it at any time, and at any price.
Understanding Sexual Compulsion February 20, 2009
Amos Lassen (Little Rock, Arkansas)
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Weiss, Robert. "Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men", Alyson Books, 2005.
Understanding Sexual Compulsion
Amos Lassen
Robert Weiss looks at the ways in which gay men go about finding sexual expression. He uses the clinical approach as he explores whether sexual behavior causes problems in other areas of our lives and helps us to see the difference between sexual compulsion and non-addictive sexual behavior. He also gives us resources for recovery.
This is a book that is written expressly for gay men. If read properly it can show the way to a full life with healthy sexual practices. Many in the gay community suffer from a sense of sexual addiction and many times we act on impulse. Some of us are not even aware that we have an addiction to sex and Weiss shows us how to know we indeed are addicted. Spending more time cruising than doing anything else is a sign of that trend.
Weiss looks at the gay lifestyle from various perspectives and he does not judge. We do not usually talk about sexual addiction so for Weiss to write a book about it is a help to the way we live. By reading this we can better understand what is happening to us and why we spend so much time looking for the prefect partner (who will probably be a stepping stone to the next perfect partner). Many of us are unable to deal with our sexual feelings competently but here is a way to find the road to recovery. Using examples of both appropriate and inappropriate behavior, Weiss shows us what signs to look for and how to deal.
Cruise Control July 26, 2008
James Kelleher (Sedona,AZ, USA)
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
Being that I am a gay man in SA; a sex addiction recovery program as well as having over 20 yrs sobriety in AA I am no slouch in terms of recognizing when something this informative and compelling arrives on the scene. I found this book to cover most of the tools and information that I have gleaned over the years in one concise presentation, I like the way that it is presentled in a non-pretentious sort of way that I occasionally find in this type of book, where someone writes about that which they have no personal experience. Thank you for inspiring presentation.
|
|
|
CERTAIN CONTENT THAT APPEARS ON THIS SITE COMES FROM AMAZON SERVICES LLC. THIS CONTENT IS PROVIDED ‘AS IS’ AND IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE OR REMOVAL AT ANY TIME. | |
